#TalkThirtyToMe

So today I sit on the cusp of turning 30!!!!!! I can’t believe I am allowed to call myself an adult.  I honestly do not feel like I’m 30! (Well, technically still 29 but you know what I mean).  I stood and looked at myself in the mirror yesterday, choosing to ignore what might be dark circles under my eyes, and said, “25, yeah, I feel more like 25, maybe early onset 26, max”.

I’ve been thinking about turning 30 on and off for the past few months.  At times, I’m tickled by it!  Truth be told, I’m just out here trying to remember how to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I may not be that great at ‘adulting’, but I’ve sure got some people fooled!

Then other times, scarier times, I think about turning 30 and a range of emotions hits me like a ton of bricks.  I think it’s interesting that each year forward, we always find ourselves looking backward.  We tend to look back and say, what have I accomplished or learned over these [29] years?  Has my life amounted to what I hoped it would by this point?  Have I achieved any great milestones? The game of ‘Where Am I’, if you will.  Listen, I am a super competitive person so I don’t like to play games I can’t win.  This is a game I NEVER win.  Yet, this week I find myself sitting at the table telling the dealer to ‘hit me again’.

I’ve been reading a few posts and threads about turning 30 and all the things you should do before turning 30, or things that will change after you turn 30,  things you should no longer do after turning 30, or things that you should have by the time you turn 30.  I found myself looking to the internet to tell me what I should be feeling or doing, or not feeling or doing all because I’ve lived another 365 days (technically just one more day).

In the middle of writing this post and thinking about these things, God took me in a different direction.  I was just about to put on my sack cloth and ashes and go out to the county line to sing the song of the entitled called ‘Woe is Me, I Suck at Life’ when I heard God asking me, ‘Who told you that?’  Who told you your life was suppose to look like that? Who told you that you were suppose to have that, or live here, or work there, or have a certain net worth?  Basically, who is defining you?

This is similar to the question God asked Adam and Eve when they were in the Garden of Eden after they had sinned and hidden themselves from God.  See Genesis 3:8-11 below.

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” ¹⁰ And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” ¹¹ He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”

I love Genesis and I could go on and on about this passage but the thing that stands out to me today in these verses is that God wanted to make them aware of the fact that they had allowed someone or something else to tell them what ‘truth’ was.

Here I was letting Google, well-intended people, television shows and romantic comedy movies tell me who I should be and feeling shame and guilt for being so far away from that ‘reality’, when God, in His perfect, loving-kindness came rushing in to ask me, “who are you listening to”.

For the sake of everything holy, I hope that the legacy of my life is not based on what I did or owned by the time I was thirty.  How meaningless and shallow!  I want the legacy of my life to be that I knew Christ and I proclaimed His name in a way that drew men and women closer to Him.  If that life includes a brick house, a savings account, 401k , a husband,2.5 kids and a business professional wardrobe, GREAT!  If it doesn’t, GREAT!

Since I can’t help but look back at the last 29 years, I’ll say this about them, I wasn’t faithful to give every day of every one of those years  to God.  I wasn’t faithful in keeping my eyes on Him and seeking His plans and purposes for my life, and not my own.  But if God so chooses to bless me with 29 more, I pray for grace to make them count for His kingdom.  And grace to be found in Him, defined by Him, and validated by Him alone.

What have I accomplished in 30 years? Not much.  But what has God accomplished in me in those 30 years?  More than eyes can see or simple human minds can fathom.  He redeemed me from a bottomless pit, told me that I was worth the sacrifice of His only son, Jesus, and He is teaching me to love Him more with each passing day.

God I thank You for the gift of the life that I have found in You.

So this year for my 30th birthday, I want to celebrate my family, my friends, my health and happiness.  But most importantly, I want to celebrate my God who says to me I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you daughter, and I have never, nor will I ever forsake you.

Happy Birthday DaVondria!! Have some cake!